I have been known to stomp my feet, cry, slump to the ground, wallow, make cake and eat it all by myself cause I am feeling sorry for myself. I am feel helpless. I am a great, make that amazing weaver of poor me stories! And boy do I know how to embellish and indulge them.
Enter the pity party.
A conscious, self honoring tradition of really feeling my feelings. Of sinking into the pain, the pathetic, the helplessness, the lack of freaking control I am feeling at a given time. And what has caused these moments?
- My children
- my partner (position currently available)
- my job
- my self talk
- money. pout...
- sex, pouty-pout pout!
- things not going my way (can you hear my inner 5 year old?)
- my ex-partner
- transitions, stomp...
- my parents (individually and separately), complete hissy fit...
- ahhhhh, I could go on and on here, but you get the point. feeling sorry for myself comes easily...oh, my car...unexpected bills...see, so good at connecting with this stuff.
So the trick here is to throw a self limiting, time aware party to indulge and honor your inner pain- and if you have done inner child work, you will know, it's usually a younger version of yourself that is grieving! In the beginning I had longish parties....then got them down to 2 minutes and am creating a space where 15 seconds is enough....of course it depends on the depth of the pain.
So bring on the supplies:
1. in the beginning there was a lot of chocolate, or cake, wine, and coffee at these parties!
2. as I grew I added in herbal tea and a close friend, some self care and shared my shame, fear and guilt with them
3. Now, I go straight to the friend ( I actually have a "go to" list of my top 3 people I can call memorized so when chaos hits, I go into autopilot-and they know there may be tears, hysterical tears). Then there might be a hot bath, a nap, writing in my journal, a dinner out...the sky is the limit now. Or my circumstances tell me what I have room for.
Give it a try and let me know if these parties work for you. Lots of love, Casey