Well, you stuck with me, and you’re here– in the scary zone–where bad fears exist.
We’re gonna face some not-so-good fears, the scary fears, the immobilizing fears, the fears that make us shake sometimes.
So we’re in the bad fear zone.
It is the teeth chattering, nervous stomach fear– like almost to the point where you might want to be sick; you might get headaches, and start hearing a lot of self-criticism come up.
This is the space in your being and on your path where your comfort zone is really close to your heart and that other place looks terrifying.
This might be when you lose your job or you have a loss in your life or you find out major, major bad news.
This happens to all of us dear feisty soul.
We’re not going to avoid these bad fears. Bad things happen.
But it’s the “things” (the fear causing moments or experiences) and then our thoughts that create the feeling of fear.
Horrible news flash:
We’re not going to avoid these moments.
In my 20 years working with clients I have seen people “avoid” stuff (pain, loss, responsibility) for 50 or more years until a loss happens that triggers fear and insecurity and then they go threw “it” for the first time; it doesn’t matter how young or old we are, we’re still gonna need to face this energy one day.
The Bad Place
So life has brought you something that is not a super joyful “good” fear. Interestingly, good and bad fears are still processed the same way in our mindset: with mindfulness, choice, and oodles of compassion.
Where and Why: Fear in the Body
I love looking at the chakra systems and knowing that fear is in my first chakra especially when bad fears come up because firstly, we tend to get really ungrounded and lose our center and secondly, this makes complete sense to me because of our chakras.
The first chakra is:
-our right to be here
-it’s our feeling of enoughness.
When our roots get injured, we need to find ways to reconnect with our 1st chakra even though it might be hard with the chaos and fear going on in our life at this time: we can still attempt to align so we can we can reconnect to the chakras.
1st Chakra Healing
The quickest way to reactivate our 1st and send the energy up is this through walking or running in all seasons:
Putting our feet on the earth can be one of the most important things we can do for healing.
I live in Canada, and right now there is a sheet of ice on the ground so I am not going to be grounding in the outside earth with bare feet right now but I will continue to walk a lot with my boots and Yak Trax on!
If I need deeper grounding, I might get some sand or some earth and put my feet in it or I will look at pictures of my feet in the grass or on rocks in the spring and summer.
When I used to be a doula I would work with women and help them find that centered, grounded place where they could visualize that strength and peace that exists within to help them get through the fear created during the pain and unknown-ness of labour.
This is often what most of life’s fearful experiences are about: that we’re afraid we’re not going to get through it because we feel not grounded, not centered, and not connected to ourselves.
The good news is that, “you have survived a hundred percent of your bad days” (saw this quote someplace recently!!) And at this point and you are most likely going to survive the bad days in the future until your death.
So let’s come up with some strategies to help you survive and triumph.
I’ll give you a few right now but we’re going to look more deeply into the strategies as I introduced to you to my fear resource in blog #3. I have created a one-page PDF for you that you can get for free to combine all these questions and perspectives and use them on a daily basis. I post mine up on the fridge, that way when I’m really in a fearful time and I need reminders of how to ground myself it’s there waiting to guide me.
1st Chakra Grounding
Let’s learn how to connect with your feet or your bum (areas that ground because they trigger and stimulate the 1st chakra’s energy).
You can sit on the ground and really feel your bum.
You can go for a walk.
I call these grief walks but you can call them anger walks, fear walks, guilt walks, joy walks –whatever works here (insert a feeling you are trying to befriend and walk with it!).
They are walks where your feelings become your friends and that’s what we’re doing in this series: we’re trying to reconnect with the fact that all of our feelings are just guide posts on our path on this journey of life.
Can you take your fearful self out for a walk?
Change your scenery?
Make a hot cup of tea and feel the tea as you drink it moving and warming up your body?
Brain dump all your fears onto a piece of paper.
If you can’t do these strategies: call a friend or have someone on emergency speed dial for your fear phone calls.
I have it set up that even that if I can't get ahold of the person, I can say on the message machine "I just need to vent my fears, you don’t have to listen, you can erase it and I will call you later to follow up."
I am just trying to get all my fears out because fear is just an energy.
It’s an energy that needs to dissipate.
In theory, scientists have shown that our neurotransmitters of emotions last on average about 90 seconds. 90 SECONDS. Totally doable when you are prepared.
Especially if we don’t add another thought that stimulates more of that fear response. It’s a really powerful place to be knowing that you only have to survive 90 seconds.
Try this exercise for starters:
I hate the feeling of cold. So I put an ice cube in my hand and hold that for 30 seconds.
This does many things…it can ground you, distract you and brings you back into the here and now.
Cold much like fear and pain bring you back to the now. So you can practice with this “simple suffering” and work up to bigger feelings.
The cold also distracts you so you’re no longer thinking about whatever was scaring you. You’re in your hand, being cold and thinking, “when is this going to stop” and it shifts that energy in your brain so that you can start in a fresh new space.
Try some of these strategies
Here’s a summary:
Change your scenery
Make a hot cup of tea
Brain dump all your fears onto a piece of paper
Call a friend and share
Share with a coach, counsellor or clergy!
Let’s make our feelings our friends. Here’s to embracing the fear feeling as your friend and simply a guidepost along the way.
Stay tuned for the 3rd blog where we go into a more broken down version of these strategies, a visualization and mindset shift that you can use so you can stop suffering and live your life.
If you’re excited about learning how to use your feelings as friends: please sign up for my newsletter and connect more deeply with me. Until then cheers and blessings on this beautiful path called life.